Miracle Baby

This is my miracle baby.

I have been calling him that for most of my pregnancy. After I had surgery to remove a mass and cyst from my abdomen in 2014, I wasn't sure if I would be able to get pregnant again. I was shocked to see a positive test on our first try. I found out I was pregnant on August 10th, 2016, C's 7th birthday. I began care in September at a local birth center that I fell in love with. I had started showing at almost 9 weeks and thought I might be having twins, so I requested an ultrasound. Turns out it was only one baby, but clear as a bell, there it was. I received an estimated due date of April 20th, 5 days later than my estimation. I had no morning sickness and felt generally pretty great, although I was tired all the time.

My first scare came in October at 11.5 weeks when I started bleeding badly. Thinking I was having a miscarriage, I rushed to the birth center, only to find my sweet baby was moving around happily. I was sent to urgent care for another ultrasound and a diagnosis of subchorionic hemorrhage. I was subsequently placed on bed rest until the bleeding stopped, which lasted close to two months.

In December, at 21 weeks, I received a full anatomy scan (instead of just a regular ultrasound) and found out I was having a boy. We were overjoyed! We wanted to even out the score of 2 girls and 2 boys, and everyone was thrilled to find out this blessing. Our joy lasted a few minutes when I then received a diagnosis of placenta previa. That more fully explained the bleeding and why it took so long to clear. At the time of the diagnosis, I was told I wouldn't be able to continue care at the birth center, but I would go back in for a consultation the following week, where we would discuss options. The midwives called the place I would have transferred to and came to the conclusion that since the previa had presented itself so early, it was likely to move as my uterus grew, so I was able to continue under their care. I had another ultrasound set up for 28 weeks, which would then determine the outcome. When the time came, the results showed it was resolved and I was free and clear. Hallelujah!

My joy was short-lived. One week later, at 29 weeks, my blood sugar displayed high, so I went in for the lovely 3-hour glucose test. I barely passed, but since I was a measly 3 points away from gestational diabetes, I was placed on a strict diet for the remainder of the pregnancy. I was to stay away from all things sugar. This included milk, white pasta, white flour, white rice, and potatoes. My options were limited and depressing at times, but I wanted to do what was best for the baby. After my diet change, my blood pressure improved, my hips stopped hurting, and I had no swelling for the rest of the pregnancy.

During the last month or so, my hip pain increased as my body grew and my sciatic nerve started bothering me for the last couple weeks. I saw a chiropractor twice a week as my birth center appointments increased to once a week. Since I had a lot of amniotic fluid, the baby had a lot of wiggle room and presented breech at about 36 weeks. After doing some exercises to flip baby around (which were amusing for those around me to watch), I began wearing a Moby wrap around my belly to bring the baby up and in and ready for birthing position. The wrap made the back and hip pain worse and was not easy to wear 24/7. The exercises and wrap helped, though, and he stayed in position.

My due date came. My due date went. I had a membrane sweep the day before the due date, after acupuncture two days before that. Nothing. He wasn't ready. I felt so discouraged and began to question why I couldn't control the birth of my baby, short of an induction. Heavenly Father told me, in the gentlest way, to be patient. The timing was in His hands. Five days past the EDD, I received more acupuncture. Six days and I received another membrane sweep. Since I was one day shy of 41 weeks, I was told to get a biophysical profile and non-stress test before the weekend hit. I received a phone call later that day and the only time they could squeeze me in was the next day at 8am.

At around midnight, I started having contractions again, which wasn't anything new since I had been dealing with Braxton Hicks for the last several months. These were more intense, though. I didn't get my hopes up because that had proved only to bring me discouragement in the previous days. By the time I got up to go to my appointment, they were consistent for the first time and didn't go away when I got up and moved around. During the ultrasound, he was sound asleep and wouldn't wake up no matter what I did. His heart rate slowly decelerated and the doctor and the midwife determined I needed to go straight to the hospital for immediate delivery. I was placed on the monitors at around 9:30am and the nurses followed baby's heart rate and my contractions consistently. I was at 2 centimeters and 50% effaced at my arrival. After receiving a small dosage of pitocin to speed things up, I quickly went to 4 centimeters and 70% effaced. After an intense few hours of contractions, I reached the point where I was willing to do just about anything to get rid of the pain of epidural-free contractions. They brought in nitrous oxide and checked me again. 8 centimeters! No wonder my pain was so high! I breathed into the machine for several more contractions before I involuntarily pushed. The nurses started yelling for NICU and the midwife to come in. Less than 5 pushes and he was out before the midwife was back. I took a look at my gorgeous baby and the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck 5 times. He was purple, but as soon as the cord was off, he cried. Oh, that was the sweetest sound I had ever heard! Both J and I were crying tears of joy as he was placed on my chest. The nurses wiped him off and then took him to the other side of the room to get his oxygen levels up to normal. He quickly gained a great pink color in his skin. He was born on 4/27/17 at 4:07pm. He weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces and was 21.5 inches long. Lucky 7! (He was my smallest baby by far, as the other two were 9 lb 10 oz and 8 lb 11 oz.)

He is truly my miracle baby. Heavenly Father watched over him and made sure he arrived to earth safely. He is meant to be here. I am smitten!

Ode To Music

Dear Music,

I’ve known you for as long as I can remember. Even in the womb, you made my heart leap. While pregnant with me, my mother played her violin and I danced. We established our formal relationship, beginning with the violin, at the tender age of six, and I have never looked back.

Even though you have multiple personalities, I love you anyway. I love the classical, the theatrical, I love big band and good ol’ classic rock and roll. If I were you, I’d do away with rap and hard rock, but that’s your choice. I will love you no matter what.

Oh, music, whenever I am stressed or overwhelmed, you are there at my side. I can feel peace overcome my body as my fingers move along the smooth piano keys. Although you have brought frustration at times, most of our interactions have been joyous beyond measure. You have brought tears of joy to my eyes more times than I can count. You have saved me from a boring existence of monotonous day-to-day living to a life exploding with excitement and new adventures. You have taken me to places such as Idaho, Utah, California, Mexico and China and I look forward to meeting you in Washington D.C. this summer. Besides the physical locations, you have brought me to new emotional heights I may not have reached had you not been present.

During the times I play my viola in an orchestra, immersed in the sounds of warm strings, powerful brass and fluttering woodwinds, I feel like I am flying. My heart beats with the drums and I feel you flowing through my veins. When I am playing, I feel a sense of exhilaration that only you can provide. When I play spiritual hymns of praise, I feel a closer relationship to my Heavenly Father. I feel as though I am Lehi, witnessing “…God sitting upon his throne, surrounded with numberless concourses of angels in the attitude of singing and praising their God.”* Music, you give me a taste of heaven.

I hope you don’t mind, but I feel the need to share our relationship with others. I want them to feel that same kind of indescribable happiness you have brought to my life. I don’t want to be selfish and keep it all to myself. I am not breaking up with you, only expanding our relationship to include other people. I hope that’s alright with you. I look forward to many more years of elation with each other.

Forever yours, Nicole

* 1 Nephi 1:8

Christ's visit to the Americas

What must it have felt like to be one of the more righteous part of the people who were spared after the death of Jesus Christ, to live in the Americas at the time of His coming? What was it like to literally sit at the feet of Jesus as He taught? What if I had been there? What would I think? What would I do? Would I be spiritually prepared? Would I listen with my heart? There is a beautiful children’s song about just this, published in 2007 by Sally DeFord. The first two verses are especially poignant:

If I had been a little child when Jesus lived on earth,
I would have liked to walk with Him and listen to His words,
But as I search the scriptures I can hear His words of peace,
And if I listen with my heart I hear the Savior’s voice.

I hear a living prophet speak the things that Christ would say
If He were here upon the earth to talk with me today.
The prophet teaches how to live in righteousness and peace,
And if I listen with my heart I hear the Savior’s voice.

We have the amazing opportunity to have a living prophet today to listen to and learn from. He speaks the words of Christ and what He would have us do. We have the internet where we can search the words of the prophets. We have television and radio where we can hear and see the prophet speak to us during General Conference. How blessed we are! We may not have had the privilege of sitting at the feet of Jesus when He was here on the earth, but we were saved to be here during these latter days. His Second Coming very well may come in our lifetime. Do you think maybe the account of Christ's visit to the Americas was given to us as a type of the Second Coming and the feelings we will experience?

“And no tongue can speak, neither can there be written by any man, neither can the hearts of men conceive so great and marvelous things as we both saw and heard Jesus speak; and no one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls at the time we heard him pray for us unto the Father.” (3 Nephi 17:17)

Oh, how I long to experience that kind of joy! I want to remain worthy so I may sit at the feet of Jesus and learn from Him. How grateful I am for the scriptures and the knowledge of the Second Coming of our Savior. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn how to be like Him. We have great potential. Just the thought gives me hope for a bright future filled with happiness and peace.

Pathway

I've thought long and hard about this post. Let me preface. I have decided to go back to school. Long story short, I have enrolled in an incredible program through Brigham Young University-Idaho called Pathway. It allows me to take real-life courses such as math and English (in the coming semesters), but it is based in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am able to hold active Christ-centered discussions with my online classmates, as well as at our once-a-week in-person gatherings. I have been given an assignment to share what I have learned so far. The option I chose is a difficult one. You, my readers have the privilege of reading my testimony. I don't always share it for fear of disagreement. But, I am now putting it out there for anyone to read because it is important to me. It is the core of who I am.

This week I have been studying the first few chapters of the Book of Mormon. I have been counseled by inspired leaders to not only read the scriptures, but to actively study them. A fellow classmate shared a quote this week from one of his former teachers, whose name I do not have. Paraphrasing, "Don't just jet ski, but scuba dive." As the subtitle of the Book of Mormon states, Another Testament of Jesus Christ, I believe that the Book of Mormon and the Bible go hand in hand in convincing the reader that Jesus is our Savior, our perfect exemplar and the way to eternal life. The Book of Mormon was written for our day and has countless insights to improve our relationship with Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven.

The Book of Mormon begins with the account of a great prophet named Lehi, who lived in Jerusalem about 600 years before the birth of Christ. It is written by his son, Nephi, who was also a prophet. In the first chapter of Nephi, he tells us that Lehi was commanded to preach to the people of Jerusalem about the destruction of their great city unless they repented. They didn't listen, so the Lord commanded Lehi to take his family and basic provisions into the uninhabited desert. Keep in mind, he left everything behind, his beloved city, his home, his money. Can you imagine having that much faith to uproot your entire family, give up everything and leave? But, he did just that. We don't know much about what happened before that. I've never really thought about what Lehi endured before the account begins. My classmates and I were discussing some interesting thoughts about Lehi, like the idea that maybe the revelation to preach to the people and to go out into the wilderness were the beginning of his conversion. The account written in Nephi has a similarity to Alma the Younger in the 27th chapter of the book of Mosiah later in the Book of Mormon and also to Joseph Smith, our first prophet in these latter days. All three were blessed with marvelous revelations from God and then fell to the earth from exhaustion before their conversion.

Another thought I had while studying the second and third chapters of Nephi was after they had traveled in the desert for about 12 days (several hundred miles), the Lord commanded Lehi to send his four sons back to Jerusalem to get the brass plates, the beginning portion of the Old Testament. Surely the Lord knew that they needed the scriptures with them on their journey and could very well have told them to take them before Lehi's family left the city. But, I think they needed that test of faith to find out if they were willing to follow Heavenly Father's commandments. The older two brothers, Laman and Lemuel complained. The younger two brothers, Sam and Nephi were willing to "go and do as the Lord hath commanded." (1 Nephi 3:7) Reading this and listening to the spiritual insights of my Pathway instructor caused me to reflect on my own obedience. Am I a Laman/Lemuel and complain about difficult tasks? Or am I a Sam/Nephi and am willing to do difficult tasks? As I pondered on the task at hand, I tried to imagine it in my day. The distance from my home in Idaho to the other side of the country, let's say New York City, is about 2500 miles. If airplanes weren't invented and I was faced with the task of driving across the country, it would take me 36 hours straight. Let's include rest stops and sleeping at night. If I were to drive eight hours per day, it would take me close to four days to arrive at my destination. That is about one third of the time that Lehi and his family walked to theirs. I can't imagine driving to New York and then having to turn around and go back home to get one item. If I were Laman/Lemuel and didn't believe that one item had eternal significance, I most certainly would have complained and thought the task at hand were ridiculous. Sam/Nephi didn't even hesitate. They were willing to go all the way back and come up with any way possible, even putting their lives on the line, to get those very important scriptures, which they knew would bless their family and many generations to come. I can't imagine not having my scriptures. I would be so lost without them. Sam/Nephi understood the implications of not having them. I need to adjust my faith to become more like Sam/Nephi and less like Laman/Lemuel, who may have been justified in their murmerings, but just needed a little faith.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

From China to America, Going Home

After saying our last goodbyes, we checked out of the hotel at 9am on Sunday, July 5th and arrived at the airport an hour later for a 1:00 flight back to the United States. Even going straight to the group checkout counter, it still took quite a bit of time to check in. Around this time, family and friends back home were watching fireworks since it was the night before. I tried not to be jealous. Anyway, by the time all of us got to the gate, we had about 20-30 minutes before boarding time, so I decided to go exploring. I discovered, with much disappointment that there was no KFC in the Shanghai airport. At least not in the section we were in. I was excited that I was able to buy some last-minute souvenirs for people I had missed and also a couple of bottles of water. They bring around water on the flight, but not often enough and only one small cup at a time. I wanted to make sure to stay hydrated so I wouldn't end up with another migraine. I also bought some fun snacks for the plane (Pringles and Oreos and such) so I wouldn't be stuck with just airplane food. Probably the best purchase I made, though, was a neck pillow. That thing was magic. Whenever I put it around my neck, I would immediately fall asleep. I slept the majority of the flight, including the 75-minute delay on the runway. The whole flight was only 11 1/2 hours compared to the 13 on the way. Something to do with wind speed and the tilt of the earth. I don't know, I'm not a pilot. The movie I chose to watch during this flight was Penguins of Madagascar. I found it amusing that the majority of it was based in Shanghai of all places and I had no idea. On the smaller domestic flights we were on during the tour, there were no movies available. That's ok because you really don't need a movie to occupy yourself during a 2-hour flight. Thank goodness we were offered free movies and tv shows during the long flights because I would have gone batty. Today, while the other groups had to take a connector flight to Beijing first, our group got to fly directly back to LAX since we did the layover on the way to China the first day. We landed in Los Angeles at around 11am, a few hours before we left. So, I got to live Sunday twice. After filling out customs forms, claiming Every. Single. Item. we bought in China and walking through the long checkout line, we were finally able to enter our own country. We boarded one last bus that would take us to Balboa Park (San Diego.) It felt amazing to be able to read the signs and to stay in our own traffic lanes again. I hugged my kids good and tight and was so happy to see them again. I've never spent so much time away from them. I tried to stay awake for the rest of the day, but I ended up falling asleep at 6pm. Whoops. I think I slept an hour or two, then got up to put the kids to bed and went to bed myself at somewhat of a decent hour. I took a nap the next day, went to bed early and then was up from 1am to 6am. The 15-hour time change really kicked me in the butt. I was back on schedule in a couple days. After 5 flights on the tour, I took 2 more home to Boise on Wednesday after giving myself time to recover. Five weeks away from home and four away from my husband were definitely tough, but worth it for the experience of a lifetime.

I learned a great deal in China. I learned about the fascinating culture, the beautiful people, a tiny portion of the language, the amazing food and a renewed appreciation for the differences in others. My eyes are opened and I will be forever grateful.

China: Shanghai, Day 3

It was hard to believe this was our very last day in this marvelous country. It also happened to be the Fourth of July. How ironic. During one of our times on the bus today, our tour guide was telling us about how housing works with the government and how they pretty much control everything, including where you live. It was interesting that she was telling us this on the same day that the United States of America back home was celebrating their freedom and independence. It made me appreciate my country even more. To start the day, we had breakfast at the hotel and then explored the newest area of the city called the Pudong New Area. There are some pretty amazing-looking buildings, including the Oriental Pearl Tower and the brand new Shanghai Tower, the second tallest building in the world, just behind the Burj Khalifa in Dubai. From a distance, one can see just how massive it is compared to the other buildings beside it. Our next stop was lunch at a local restaurant. By this time, I was pretty tired of Chinese food, but this was the best I had ever had! I had like three helpings of fried rice. Oh, it was so yummy! After lunch, we rested at the hotel before heading over to the Oriental Arts Center for our final dress rehearsal and concert. Talk about an amazing building! The architect designed it to look like a giant flower with five petals, which consist of the Entrance Hall, Concert Hall, Opera Hall, Performance Hall and Exhibition Hall. I honestly don't know which hall we were in because I just now looked it up on Wikipedia. Don't judge. I wish I had gotten more pictures of this magnificent hall, but I didn't have tons of time in between the rehearsal and concert. We were given sandwiches for dinner. I was hoping there would be a KFC within walking distance, but the closest was about a mile away and I only found that out after the film crew brought some back for themselves. I told them I would have paid them to bring me some, but oh well. Our Rhapsody in Blue soloist for the evening was Jessie Chang again. She is super nice. (She and I had a nice conversation in Yantai on our way to the French restaurant.) Anyway, the concert was a rousing success and I cried during the encore of Dahai as the audience was singing with us. We said our goodbyes backstage after the concert amidst more tears (even though we were technically still going to see each other afterward.) I got to meet my roommate's mom who lives in Shanghai and say an official goodbye to my fabulous roommate who brought me much joy during the tour. (She was off to her mom's house the rest of the time.) We all boarded the buses once more and those of us in group 3 had to wait quite a bit to leave since the orchestra director and soloist were in our group and I guess they were pretty popular after the concert. We then drove over to our celebratory dinner at Hai Di Lao Hot Pot. It's similar to the Melting Pot, where they provide you with raw meat and vegetables and you cook it yourselves in the two different broths at your table. The waiters put on a show for us spinning giant noodles around in the air. All nine chaperones were honored by someone in each smaller group, some with gifts, but all with sincere appreciation for their dedication in making the trip enjoyable. In group 3, most of us were non-chaperoned alumni, but we did have two chaperoned groups on our bus, so we got to know those chaperones pretty well. In addition to honoring the chaperones, we also honored all the people who made the whole thing possible, including our orchestra director, SDYS staff, tour guides and visionaries. Everyone involved put in an incredible amount of work to make the tour a success. What a way to end our time in China.